I Love Community, but....

Sunday's sermon was based on Matthew 18:15-20, where Jesus points out how to go about addressing a member of the church sinning against another member of the church.  Well after a week when most of the member of Bethlehem, and most of the residents of Connecticut were without power for multiple days, we have been on a high about talking about how good community is.  In fact many of the ways people talked about how they saw God was in people coping with the aftermath of Irene as a community.  But as anyone knows there are some dangers to living in a community.


Enjoy!

It has been an interesting week.  As most of us were without power for a few days, we all harnessed our inner pioneer to find ways to cook, bathe, and spend hours in the dark with electricity.  But I have heard one big positive about this week, a phrase I have heard over and over “The community has come together.”  Neighbors have let people plug into their generators, those with electricity have open their homes to those without to shower or just hang out in the evening, and even just the general fact that we couldn’t stay in front of our personal laptops and tvs, people have gotten out of their homes and met and gotten to know their neighbors a little better.  The community has come together.

But we actually are each part of many different communities.  What communities do you consider yourself to be a part of?

And as I have mentioned earlier there are some great benefits of being part of a community, what are other things that you love about being part of a community? Kindness, Camaraderie, friendship

But there are also downsides of being within a community.  We all have moments when we want to avoid others for various reasons, but let’s name some of them now. Gossip, group think, xenophobia

Jesus knew that community is a wonderful gift, but in all communities, and in the church especially, a community that is suppose to be based in God’s grace and love, these things, these negative things can get in the way of forming and maintaining a community.  So Jesus put out some basic points.

First he gives the obvious, people sin and communities, the church included, are made up of sinning people.  But Jesus says that when someone in your community, in your church, sins against you, to do something about it by going to them directly and calling them on this.  And if they don’t listen to you, you go and get a few more people involved.  Now these other people are not to gather witnesses or to get people on your side, but as a way of involving the larger community that is also affected.  And if the person still does not listen then get the whole community involved, but be worried at this point you are at risk of the community being in turmoil.

Oh this is scary almost to think about.  It is difficult, especially when you have a relationship with someone but you aren’t extremely close to them, to tell them that you are upset with their behavior.  When a stranger cuts you off in traffic, it is easy to yell at them and to get upset.  Or when your spouse or parent or sibling says something to you that offends you, you can normally tell them so, though it might be a few minutes or days later and after either a good talk or a yelling match, all is good again and you are still in a relationship with them.  But when it is a friend or a fellow worshipper or your pastor, it can be difficult.  How can you tell them that you were hurt or offended by something that they did or didn’t do without either sounding accusatory or like you are such a sensitive person that you quake at any minor offense.  Often it is the unknown, the unknown of how that person will react that scares us the most about confrontation.  When we don’t know how they will react, when we confront someone even with grace and love, we worry if they will over react or take it out on us or won’t take us seriously.

So instead of confronting people in a loving and grace-filled manner, we either ignore the behavior or become passive aggressive and both are equally as dangerous to hurting the community, the good things that happen that we listed earlier.  I know of many congregations that have that one person who behaves terribly and yet everyone lets them because “oh that is just ____.”  And statements like “God loves her, but I have my moments” or prayers like “Lord give me patience in dealing with him” are uttered and yet the person continues to snap at fellow congregants, stop worship because there are crumbs from communion bread in the altar area, put off visitors and would be new members, or try to make the entire congregation focus solely on them and not God.  And because no one ever politely calls the person on their behavior, the behavior often gets worst.

And if we don’t ignore someone who sins, we then act passive aggressive about it and do things like talk about them behind their back, or call a bunch of other people to complain about them.  Or we sent them a nasty email and while we are at it CC the pastor and the bishop.  Or we avoid them and de-friend them on facebook, and refuse to be on any committees with them.  And if we can’t avoid them, well we’ll just leave the congregation entirely. 

But that is not what Jesus is telling us to do.  He is telling us with love and grace to talk to the person.  Maybe they didn’t realize you were offended by something they did.  Maybe they are actually having a lot of trouble in their personal lives and just took it out on you.  And if that doesn’t work, get a few others involved.  But when you do this in love and grace, be warned, you might find out you are the one at fault that your demands to have only prayers said in iambic pentameter or your reverence of the candlesticks might not be what the community, what the congregation wants. 

However when we do this, when talk to people in grace and love about not just what is good, but also what we disagree on, community is formed.  And community is important.

The congregational council just adopted our new mission statement: Bethlehem Lutheran Church strives to serve God while providing spiritual guidance to its members and the community through worship, fellowship, education and service while expanding the congregation and growing within the community.

Here the word community means surrounding area, but there is also an idea about building strong relationships both between those who come here to worship and those who live in the surrounding area.  And the council wrote and adopted this mission statement not because it sounded good but because community is a wonderful thing, especially when we can talk to each other with grace and love, through both good times and bad.  And when we do that, Jesus is with us.  Jesus is with us whenever we are in community with others, whether that is sharing a generator, offering a hot shower or telling someone politely that we disagree with their behavior.