As we near Christmas family is on a lot of people's mind, both in good and bad ways. We look forward to seeing family members we don't get to see to often, or we dread seeing family and what craziness will happen. We reminiscence on family gatherings of the past and also mourn those who have died.
For Bob and I personally, we are preparing for a trip to Minnesota and Wisconsin over New Year's, our first trip "home" over the holidays in three years. One of the family issues we will have to figure out while home is the current divorce proceedings of Bob's older brother. The divorce itself isn't of issue, but the kids who are affected by the divorce and how to treat them is. Through the marriage we gained two step-nieces who will soon no longer legally be family, however Bob and I have known these two beautiful girls (now 10 & 14) for 7 years and we cannot cut them out of our lives even though the rest of Bob's family seems to expect us to, especially when we still have a connection to their 3 year old half-sister, the only biologically related niece.
The logistics of how to see our nieces and the blessing we have been given to have them in our lives has weighed heavily on my mind as I prepared for the sermon this week, especially when the Gospel text (Matthew 1:18-25) is about the birth of Jesus from Joseph's perspective. Really Joseph was asked to create a family and I love how often people have family that aren't technically family. We have been so blessed by these relationships.
Below is my sermon from yesterday, enjoy!
You have to really commend Joseph. I mean really this text should be used on Father’s Day as an example of a righteous man. Here is a man who knows that the child his fiancé is pregnant with a child that is not his and yet he not only marries the woman but also claims the child as his own.
Sure he needed an angel to intervene in order to keep him from sending Mary off, probably back to her parents’ home disgraced and for the child to be raised as an illegitimate bastard if it was not kept a secret from the community and “quietly done away with.”
We often think of Christmas, both today and the first Christmas, as a peaceful time full of joy and celebration, but that is not what was going on for Joseph. He was agonizing over a decision. By law he could divorce Mary, since they were already legally married based on the contract their fathers decided on which was this engagement. And Mary, being pregnant, therefore in every other case but hers would mean that she was not a virgin, and therefore broke that contract, which is grounds for divorce. He could also make the divorce a public matter meaning that she would probably never be able to remarry. Or Joseph could also have her stoned for adultery which was far from unheard of in his time. These were the options that were ahead of Joseph.
No one would expect Joseph to raise a child that wasn’t his, especially the first born child, the heir, the one who would receive the majority of his land and property upon his death. I’m sure he agonized over the decision. He thought, he prayed, he went through a roller coaster of emotions – what should he do.
For many fathers, the pregnancy is a time of joy and some worry. Will the child be healthy? Will the mother be healthy? What are the best high chairs, strollers, car seats, etc to buy? For Joseph those concerns were secondary. He was worried about his reputation. How can he explain away Mary’s leaving to the nosy neighbors without causing too much trouble? Will he be able to remarry? Will his business be tarnished by his first wife indiscretions? What will his family say? How will this affect them?
These questions probably kept running through Joseph’s mind, keeping him up at night, his blood pressure probably had risen, he probably wasn’t eating and maybe even lost some hair over his decision (I have seen a few bald Josephs in nativity sets) and when he did sleep it was restless and full of dreams.
We all have made difficult decisions before. Some that seem trivial in the light of Joseph’s dilemma – what bills do I pay first in order to keep collectors at bay? Do I take the job that pays well but doesn’t make me feel like a worthy contributor to society or the one that pays less but is more worth-wild? What school should we send our child to?
And some of us have even faced decisions that make Joseph’s predicament seem trivial. Do I take my loved one off life support? Which treatment option to I take for the cancer that is affecting me? Do I marry the parent of my child, even if I don’t love them?
We have all had a few restless nights, unable to sleep because of the worries on our hearts and minds. We have all been distracted at work because of family issues or at home because of work issues. We have all faced decisions in which is seems like no option is the best option or the choice you want to make is not one that the rest of society will agree with you on.
But in the midst of wrestling with his options, an angel of the Lord appears to Joseph in a dream and asks him to take this child, who will be named Jesus, as his own. For in Joseph’s day, in an era before DNA testing and going on Maury to determine who your baby daddy is, in a time before child support and birth certificates who list the name of the father, it was only in claiming a child, in naming him or her that a father took accountability for an child.
But more than God asking Joseph to take responsibility for Jesus, I think Joseph was also asked to give Jesus a family. Yes God was Jesus’ father. But I sure that Jesus called Joseph “dad” and Joseph taught Jesus how to fish and throw a baseball. Joseph probably even changed a few diapers, threw cheerios in an ancient toilet while Jesus was potty training and probably had “the talk” with Jesus when he hit puberty.
The result of Joseph’s decision was not just that Jesus was taken care of but that he had a family to call his while on earth. And fortunately for us, this is not the only time that God has called forth family from people who are not biological related.
In getting to know many of you over the past year and a half, I am amazed how often one of you refers to someone as a son, daughter, aunt, uncle, cousin or other relation and then as a side note, explain to me how you aren’t technically related but are step-family, grew up together or otherwise have such a relationship.
I myself have two uncles, an aunt and two cousins that are in no way related to me biologically but are good friends of my parents and their children and yet I’m closer to them then my biological aunts, uncles and cousins. I consider myself an aunt to seven children but only 3 are related to Bob or myself by blood. My grandparents on my dad’s side were both my dad’s step-parents and yet other than the fact that they looked absolutely nothing like us and my step-grandma was only a few years old than my dad you would not have know the difference as far as how they loved and cared for us grandkids. As a teenager, I also joke about how I have so many different moms and dads, both the parents of my friends and my parents’ friends that I could never get away with anything.
Many of us have been blessed with this loose definition of family, people who have come into our lives and touch us so dearly that we feel compelled to care for them and allow them to care for us. People who we want to have Christmas dinner with even if we have to have dinner with our biological family, or people who invite us to Christmas dinner when we can’t be with our biological family.
God has blessed us with family, with people related to us by blood, or legally through in-law, adoption and step situations and with those that we put bunny quotes around the title. People who support us during the difficult decisions that we make that keep us up at night.
And God has blessed us so abundantly because we have been blessed with the gift of love. A love that comes from God,
a love that comes from God through the gifts of baptism and communion.
A love that comes from God’s gift of community
a love that comes because God loved the world so much that he gave his only son to die for us
a love that comes from God to all of God’s chosen people
a love that comes because God is with us, Emmanuel
a love that comes from God as we cry out and sing out that God comes to us
a love that comes which cause us to rejoice
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